Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
