I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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