We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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