Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
