That's intense
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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