I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
