MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize