we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
