I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
