I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
