Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
