we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
