dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
