im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize