hotel room ftw
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
