At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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