the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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