I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
