Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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