i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
