My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
