so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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