her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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