My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
