I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
