It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
