I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
