I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Houston, we have a squirter
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
