did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
