I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
