I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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