Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"

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(647): View more from Ontario

Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.

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(845): View more from New York

He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night

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(406): View more from Montana

I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT

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(516): View more from New York

perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.

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(419): View more from Ohio

He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.

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