So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
