i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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