You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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