I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
