She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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