My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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