And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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