i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
