wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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