I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
