Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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