You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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