Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
