Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
