..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
