I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
