I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
