First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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