does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
