What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
