I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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