I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
