these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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