on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
