either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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