I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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