upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
