My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
