I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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