its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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