the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
