she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
