We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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