she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
