also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
