i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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