Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
