I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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