mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
