You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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