my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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