fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
