Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize