why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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