After last night, I could never be a politician.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
