i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
