im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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