i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
