i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
