I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize