So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize