Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
