I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
