Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
