How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
